the funnies about school...

so, i'm in my last semester of school, and although its sad that its coming to an end I have found ways to enjoy the activities that happen in a student body of 15,000 people.

first of all i think its funny (and quite annoying) that some students still seem to be squeaking by even though i know there is no possible way they should be. there is this one guy in my 475 class that i unfortunately had to kick out of a major group project, and still somehow he passes the class after flunking a project that was worth 50% of his grade....how is this possible? he is just sitting there making dumb remarks that don't make sense, and this professor is acting like he just answered a question to something society has been searching for years to find.

ok, so the first situation really isn't funny...its more or less me sharing an annoying fact about one student that has the possibility of graduating before me, which makes me a little angry. what i do however think is funny is the amount of stress professors are trying to put on some students.unlike the case above, many students have received the 'tough talk.' its like teachers are trying to weed us out by stressing us out...this would help the parking situation, i mean, i would be more than happy to not have to walk 3/4 of a mile before i reached the main campus, but come on professors...we're not all weak, and we're definetley not going to fall for all this "this is going to be a tough semester, half of you will not make it through, another 25% will barely scrape by, and the luckly 25% of you that do well had not life to begin with" wtf? as i sit in class and watch students get out their planners and religiously write down every assignment on the syllabis, I think to myself these professors have really done it...these kids are freaking out, i realize what they have really done is take away our lives for a single semester and these kids didn't realize that before they signed up for 15 hours of school...sad for them, i knew my life was over this semester when i took on 15 hours of school, 40 hours of work, and a boyfriend...lol

as a university my school has also taken away the right to use cell phones in class...even though last sememster we were told that we could have them because we are all signed up for a "text warning" subscription, so if anyone decides to bomb, shoot, snow on, attack by tornado, ect we are all aware of the situation. now its all a big surprise when the gun man comes to the door or when we all fall into a pile of ruble from the 4th floor of the psych building...good job teach!

not all things are bad though...i have a professor who told us the first day of class she hates people (she is however extremely charming and welcoming to talk to)...maybe i like her because she laid it out the first day...don't expect me to feel sorry for you when you don't listen to everything i have to say. i think i've already made my point to say that im serious about only passing her class with an A when i was one of 3 students who actually got approved for their senior project...to the other 37 students in class, WE HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR 3 SEMESTERS NOW!!! which is what she so kindly told them as she yelled DO OVER! at each one of them...

the semester however has only just begun...we'll see how the next 13 weeks play out, and if i am as successful as i believe i will be...or if i just end up falling into the holes so many students will put themselves in...

school....

so, i feel like i haven't been on here in forever....but school started and my life is a little hectic right now....I have 3 more classes today and then hopefully I will have time to fill the blogger world in on my crazy life....lets just say, I am definitely happy this is the last semester in my college life!!!!

girls' night out!!!!

Finally! A girls' night out!!!! These two ladies to my right and left have become two of my best girlfriends...we all have different, insanely different personalities, but we somehow make it work...

what I found last night was that you need your girls. I have always been a girl who enjoyed hanging out with the guys. I didn't think girls were worth the time, they were catty, shared secrets even when they were sworn not too, and they always seemed to have a hidden agenda with the friendship they shared with you. Guys were so much easier. I could talk to them, flirt, get advice, and feel like if I told them something they weren't going to repeat it...I mean not only did they probably give me advice even though they didn't understand half of what I said, but they probably would also not remember it tomorrow or see it as more important than the score of the Mizzou game that was on the night before. Although there was obvious issues with confiding in guys to understand my problems, I had a few guy friends that I could trust, knew would listen, and was there for me more than any girl I had ever tried to be friends with...they didn't try to out shine me, they didn't steal my clothes (or my boyfriends for that matter), and my secrets were sacred.

However, these two girls are different as I think I've said before. My girl on the left, well, she's a pageant queen. She loves getting all dressed up in evening gowns, make-up, and high heels. She's bubbly, extremely bubbly, and the life of the party. Unfortunately, I feel like she's got a sad side as well, which makes me wish I could find a way to solve all her problems...they are so much like mine were when I still lived with my parents. My lady on the right is quiet and soft spoken even though she looks like she may be a party girl. She loves her ethnicity, her husband, and tattoos, she's actually getting the rest of her pin-up girl done today. She's also the best listener that I have ever met, which has made me confide more in her than I ever did with some people I considered the best of friends. The differences between all of us are evident, and would usually make us and unlikely trio, but I think the differences between us make us stronger, because we all have something to add to our friendship...

We'd never done a girls' night out. We're all in serious relationships, I think the shortest out of the three is 3 years. All of us plan to get married to the guy we're with, or are already married. So we took the chance to spend some time together before our educations take us 2 hours away from each other or just cause us to have our heads stuck in a book. We went to a close "club." I say this lightly because the place seemed more of a watering hole with $1 bottles and these $10 drinks they put in a boot that are a mixture of vodka and some kind of fruit punch. Stick 3 straws in the boot, and this became our choice of drink. We danced, we laughed, we had guys buy us drinks and then refused their advances. After 5 hours of pouring energy into our girlie outing, we were still hyped up, singing at the top of our lungs in my car, and talking about how much we're going to miss each other when we are separated for the school semester.

From hanging with these two ladies, I've learned a lot about myself and much more about a good friendship with some terrific girls! Yay to girls' night out and Yay to having some of the best friends a girl could ask for!

what am I scared of....

so at the end of this fall semester, I will be considered at college graduate. i'll have a degree in sociology-human resources, but now that i'm almost finished i don't know if this is what i want to be doing. i always imagined working with people, first being a doctor, then a ceo, and now human resources, but the more i look at my life and what i want to be doing...i think i should have chosen a different route. see, i'm really interested in social work with children who are in foster care or orphanages. yes, this lacks money, is an extemely sad career, and could possibly be more than just a little stressful, but just thinking about it i can feel the satisfaction i would get out of such a position.

and i'm scared. i'm scared that by taking on this career, i may not be able to help any of these children, or i may find myself getting attached which will only make the career harder on me. i think it would be worth it though...seeing one child find a family that will love them and take care of them. every child should have that. i just want the joy of being able to help someone have a better life, and i don't see this happening with the degree i have now...

but not only do i have my future career choice to be scared of, i also have concern over paying tuition to continue school...i'd have to go back to get a master's in social work, which would be not big deal if i didn't already owe $30,000 in student loans. i would have to be able to afford another 2-3 years in school, and i don't know how soon i would be able to do it...

gift giving time!

So, I'm making my boyfriend one of those cute/dirty/sweet coupon books for our anniversary in September...I'm looking for ideas that a guy might like! I know I'm going to do the usual like, massage, dinner on me, and sexy time specials (lol), but I really want to know if there is something that guys want that I'm forgetting =( If you have suggestions please let me know!!!!

sleepy time....

Tonight is one of those sad nights where I just don't want to go to bed...My boyfriend and I are on different work schedules, so while I worked all day, he slept and now he will be awake throughout the night while I'm snoozing...

nights like these I find myself cuddling his pillow, hoping to breathe in the last smells of him so lull myself to sleep. I dream of us being together, because it feels like he's miles away, instead of in the next room watching cable tv or playing on his computer (or my laptop, which he does so much of the time). I curl my body around our comforter so it feels like I'm grasping onto something more than cotton...

so as I prepare myself for bed, I will finish this post...I want to finish by hoping that everyone reading has a chance of finding the one other person who makes them wish for more time together...who you miss even when they are in the next room. I think everyone should get to feel the way I feel right now...

our first meeting and the relationship that followed...

anyone who knows me has heard the story of how my boyfriend and I met and how we decided to begin the relationship that we've been in the last 4 years...but let me fill you in...

first of all, we both work in the same place, and I am a supervisor and he is not. One of my responsibilities is to communicate to the team what is going on throughout the day...WELL I hate talking in front of people. So I'm talking in front of this crowd of 20ish people, and I can hear this guy talking in the back of the crowd...just loud enough to piss me off. I let him chat for a few minutes, and then I heard him laugh over my voice...at this point I did what any respectful supervisor would do, I stopped in mid sentence, got his attention and said, "sir, if you have something that you would like to share with the whole group, then why don't you just come right up front and share it with everyone."

He HATED me!!! So then I did what any girl would do...I got a crush on him...I had a friend find out who he was, how old he was, if he had a girlfriend, blah, blah, blah. Come to find out he did have a girlfriend, come to find out I was extremely shy talking to him. This may be because he had these really deep brown eyes and these long eyelashes that guys always seem to have, which pisses me off because they never want them (I want them!), he's extremely tall, smart, and has a voice that can lullaby my to sleep.

somehow I got him to come and hang out with me on my 21st birthday. And it was exciting, for one I found out that he was 4 years older than me (hello!! older guy!!) and secondly, I was really into him. So he meets us in my areas downtown area, and we have so much fun, joking, laughing, drinking, and I'm thinking the night is going so much better than I imagined it going...but then my best friend starts getting really loud, she's flashing MY guy for shots (well this is how I take it, really she's flashing the bar for drinks). So we get into my friend's car to hit another bar, my guy in to backseat, and my friend has told me that she only had a few drinks and she's okay to drive...tell me how we end up slamming into a parked car (yes, I realize this is extremely stupid, punishable, and not to be laughed at...I completely agree). We check the car we hit, zero damage, but my friend's car is falling apart...My future boyfriend, who was fine with sitting in the backseat, pulls my friend to the back and tells her he's taking over the driving...after he picks up her headlight from ground...

So, you're probably asking how this story could get worse...well we drop my friend's car off, obviously we can't drive it. So we get into another friend's car and my best friend, my future boyfriend, and I are huddled in the backseat of this grand am...my friend is laying in this guys lap and she starts playing with his family jewels (and no, I'm not really friends with this girl any longer...). We are all dropped off at home or our own cars...the night is over, finally.

SURPRISE! This guy still wants to get to know me...Yes, its on my radar that he still has a girlfriend, but I also know that they aren't really getting along, and he's looking for a few good people to hang out with. At this point, I'm like if I can't have him as my boyfriend, I want him to be my friend...and I got my wish. We did everything together, took walks, went out, talked, wow we talked so much, I don't think anyone knows me as well to this day...Unfortunately, I fell in love and there was no way reversing it...luckily he fell in love too...

I remember our first kiss...it was the weekend of Easter 4 years ago...we were in a friend's room...they were having a party, and we just wanted to sit and talk, drink a few beers on our own. He still had a girlfriend, but I could tell that things had changed between us, and I was sososososososo scared. He asked me if I ever thought about kissing him...ummm, yes...do you want to kiss me...yes...and then he was leaning in, and I was backing away, telling him that I didn't think that it was a good idea, but then his lips were on mine...and the world melted away, it was just the two of us...I can remember my heart beating, I can remember being hot and wondering where this kiss would lead, I remember wanting to cry because it was so perfect, that I didn't have to question if we had a connection, because it was obvious we did...

What to do now? We fought our relationship. His girlfriend wanted things to work, he wanted to split...they had been together for 5 years, he didn't know how to really break things off. I was ticked! How are you going to kiss me the way you did, and still have claim to another relationship?! And this was in my mind, until I saw him, until I kissed him...and then...geez! we would just be attached, sitting in a baseball field on a blanket for hours, talking and kissing...or sitting in my car outside his house, or trying to hide the fact that we were holding hands under the table when we were out with friends...I know it wasn't right, but I was in love with him...

The breakup did happen. He cut it off, and we didn't get together right away...he said he needed some time in between...started talking about possibly dating other girls, and I started telling him that I thought I was just the stand in for their broken relationship...I was heartbroken...Then one night I was sitting in my car, we were listening to The Used, he was singing to me...and then he looked at me, almost sad and told me that he thought he had fallen in love with me...I was shoked, it took my breath away....it still takes my breath away...

the next weekend we were out and he whispered in my ear, "do you love me" and I said yes, he said "do you love me enough to be my girlfriend...even after what I have put you through...while I promise you that I'll never do any of it again" and I said yes...and we have been together ever since...I'm still absolutely in love, he still takes my breath away...

gym...and things unrelated...

So, I'm headed to the gym in about an hour...this may seem very exciting to some, boring to others, and yet less than ideal for another few, but for me its become a necessary part of my day. I have had this idea in my head that I need to lose a few pounds, get into shape, and just simply use the gym as a place to let lose all my stress in a way that will positively effect my body. Each night when I prepare myself to go, I still have the same feeling of not wanting to go...this may be because I've been going to the gym for the last 3 weeks and I haven't really seen any changes...it may be because my boyfriend doesn't believe that I need to go, nor do my friends...it may be because it is simply the most boring part of my day...lol. I NEED some motivation!!!!

I do know that going to the gym will help my self-confidence though. I know when I come home from the gym, hot and sweaty I feel an accomplishment, I feel like I've done something good for myself and gotten rid of excess stress I didn't need...IT FEELS GOOD!!!!! So this is why I keep going back...that and this really cute dress that I feel that I HAVE to be able to look good in by the beginning of September...lol

So what is this dress for in September....its for girl's night out...its for something that I haven't had in probably 4 years...something I need. I have always had this fantasy of having a group of girls that I can turn to, kind of like Sex in the City, maybe closer to the friendship that the ladies from Friends had...But I've found this relationship with 2 young ladies that I feel are two of the bestest friends a girl could have...and we look so funny together, but somehow you know we fit...One of us is covered in tattoos, from the south, and trying to find her place in the Midwest...the other is a princess, goofy, and a child at heart...and me, well I'm somewhere in between, I'm searching for something, I'm sarcastic, and funny...we all have something to add to our friendship and I love it. We do have things in common, I think we are all a little naive and although we know how the world works, we still have our dreams that we want to come true.

So we are having a girl's night out...we're getting a hotel, getting some party dresses, and drinking our little hearts out...taking tons of pictures, laughing, dancing, and telling secrets...I'm so incrediably excited to get the chance to be a girl!!! And have fun with other girls...

ssssssoooooo...now you know the story of the gym...lol...everyone give me some hope in completing this dream of getting my pretty dress and getting to go dancing

Hello!!

Hmmm...my first blog!!!! Well I guess this blog is basically an area for me to let everyone know about my life...to say the things that I have such a hard time saying when I'm not typing it. I guess instead of writing "Dear diary" I will be typing to "Dear Blog Readers."

To give everyone some personal information, I'm 25...from the Midwest (blah) and I'm completely in love with my boyfriend (you'll probably hear a lot about him). I am a senior student in Sociology, so you could say this is somewhat of an experiment for me...I really am interested to see who is interested in a randoms girl's life...lol...I aspire to make change in people's lives, even if it is only one or two people, even if it only lasts long enough for them to see a spark of something they could have. I enjoy, no I love given people advice on their lives, which sometimes makes me feel that I should have made pyschology my major instead of my minor....

Geez, I'm already saying too much...I would like to finish by saying I have great friends...3 inparticular which I have weekend craziness with...fun stories I promise to share...I don't know what I would do without these people!!!!

I'm not always happy...I have a lot of drama, sometimes sadness, anger...but relatively I am optimistic about life and what my future holds for me...I hope anyone out there reading has fun reading about me, as I will have fun writing about me!

be typing soon,
luvabigail